And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
