There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dick has a subreddit
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
