We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
