He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
