Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
