You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
