Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the liver wants what the liver wants
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
