My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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