ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Couch. On fire.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
