im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
