if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
