I seem to have left my pride at pride
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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