some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
