Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And then he peed in my hair
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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