he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
