watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
