I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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