i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
