note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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