turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
