She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
