ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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