no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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