I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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