you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
