All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
