i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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