I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
