My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
