Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize