smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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