and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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