Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
