just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
