you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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