Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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