just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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