I intend to get homeless drunk
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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