I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
