New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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