you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
