Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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