Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Come on in and take your pants off
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
