I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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