i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
