We're facebook friends in real life
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
