my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
