"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
