If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
