I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And then he peed in my hair
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