She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
