Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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