She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
