Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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