Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
