Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
