That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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