K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
