It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
