Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
