Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
