did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
