'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
